Super Delicious Mustard Relish

It was a couple of minutes past midnight and I hadn’t started on Thursday’s blog. My only excuse is that I had been editing videos all day and just didn’t get around to it.

Wife Lila said, “Why don’t you just skip a day? You’ll get a bunch of comments on that.”

“No, because I’d get a call from Mother wanting to know if I was sick. As soon as she finds out I’m not, she’ll chew me out for not doing my homework. Now that she’s had an iPad for a year, she’s not buying that old excuse that the cat licked the story off the computer screen.”

So, in desperation, I started looking for something to put up that wouldn’t take much work. Clicking through directory after directory, I poked around in the MISCL folder.

It turns out I had taken 481 photos of Lila making mustard relish on July 7, 2010.

Jayne Payne’s Super Delicious Mustard Relish

Actually, Lila makes it, but she uses the Jayne Payne Super Delicious Mustard Relish Recipe. Jayne was the wife of Lou, my legally blind darkroom technician.

Despite that, Lou had a certain amount of job security

  • He was a nice guy, too nice to fire
  • He had been there forever
  • He was always prompt to answer the company two-way radio (even though he tended to forget he wasn’t on the CB in his truck: “Ten-Fer, Good Buddy, cum bak.”
  • He was willing to come in at 4 a.m. to process the film that bureau reporters had shot for the afternoon paper. The pictures were so bad to begin with that it didn’t matter that he couldn’t see to focus.
  • He was reliable. I never had to drag myself out of bed at 4 a.m. because he was a no-show.

Still, when he announced that he was taking early retirement to spend time fishing out on Lake Okeechobee, we threw him the second-biggest party ever held at the Steinhoff home. (I’m the distinguished-looking guy on the floor. Lila is in the center of the photo.)

How do you get from there to here?

If enough folks care and if I can persuade Lila to help me narrow down 481 photos to a reasonable number of steps, we’ll show you how to get from the picture at the top to the picture at the bottom. Or, you can share your own favorite mustard relish recipe.

(She pointed out that green tomatoes are a major ingredient in the Jayne Payne Super Delicious Mustard Relish Recipe, but my top picture doesn’t show any. I promised her that the OTHER 480 photos have tomatoes in them.)

By the way, if you haven’t checked out her gardening blog yet, you should head over there. She’s battling bugs right now.

Lila Becomes Fire Photographer

I was running errands when Wife Lila called my cell. “You’re not going to be able to come home,” she said.

I was mentally running down a check list of possible infractions that would be THAT serious when she said, “The building across the street blew up and is on fire. All of the streets around us are blocked off.”

She sure was right about that. The streets north of us, south of us and to our east were all blocked off. OUR street, however, had a tiny gap between two police cars that could just fit my van. I squeezed through and drove all the way to where crime scene tape crossed the street about where our yard begins. As I was walking toward the tape, a cop started walking toward me. “I live at 620,” I said, gesturing to our house.

“That one?” he pointed.

“Yep.” He waved me through. As it turned out, all of the cops and firefighters who worked the incident were friendly. (Click on any photo to make it larger.)

Lila can shoot a great fire video

Wife Lila was busy recording the whole thing with her Canon PowerShot SD1200IS. I was really impressed at how she shot from as many angles as possible, zoomed without making you feel like your eyes were on yo-yos, got some decent cutaways and told the whole story. Based on how well she did with a point-and-shoot still camera taking video, I’m afraid the wrong Steinhoff might have been chasing sirens all these years.

Just about the time I started to download the photos from our various cameras, a reporter from one of the local TV stations rang the doorbell and said he heard on the street that Lila had good fire video. They wouldn’t pay anything, but they DID give her credit on the 11 o’clock news.

When the memory card in her camera filled up, I went inside to get her my Canon FS100 Camcorder. At the same time, I grabbed my Nikon D3100. I wouldn’t have thought it was possible, but I didn’t have any desire to shoot the incident. First off, it was pretty much over except for the cleanup, and, secondly, I didn’t want to get into a hassle with anybody. Those days are over.

Fire pix for the fun of it

Still, since the guys had been so nice, I went over to them while they were rolling up their hose to see if they’d like a group portrait. They lined up and I knocked off a couple of frames. It reminded me a little of the cliche shot I took years ago of a bunch of firemen (they were all male in those days) posing in front of a burning building that had been set on fire for a drill.

No one was inside the building at the time of the fire and no injuries were reported. The fire is under investigation. It’ll be interesting to hear what the cause was. There has been talk in the neighborhood about a strong smell of acetone coming from one of the bays where the fire appeared to originate. But, like one of the fireman said, “They just pay me to squirt water on it, not to figure out what caused it.”

 

Mother and the Belly Up Bar

Bro Mark sent a cryptic email to the family last night: “Gran can now check another box off her list.” He wouldn’t give me a hint, said she’d have to tell me.

I called Mother, but got a busy signal all morning; after that, the phone went to the answering machine. I figured she must be out skydiving or water skiing on the Mississippi.

She finally called me back to tell me about her excursion last night. She and several of her friends ended up at the Belly Up Bar and Grill in Oran. I can just about picture what that kind of establishment looked like. I usually didn’t frequent places like that until after the shootin’ and cuttin’ was over.

(For the record, that’s the Elk’s Club in Cairo, not the Belly Up Bar and Grill.)

 When does the dancin’ start?

When she walked in, she noticed a couple of pool tables. “When do they start dancing on the tables?,” she asked.

“After about two beers,” she was told.

She met lots of friendly and interesting people, including a guy who was drinking a pink-colored beer. She got up enough nerve to ask him what it was. “Beer and tomato juice,” he answered. “I always drink it that way.”

(Note: that’s not the Belly Up Bar and Grill, either. It was taken at D’Ladiums in Cape.

Want to go for a ride?

When they got ready to leave, Mother paused to admire a motorcycle in the parking lot. She told the owner that she didn’t realize they were so big when they blasted past her on the highway.

After chatting a bit, the guy said, “Want to go for a ride?”

“I haven’t been on one since I’m a teenager, but, sure.”

They went blasting around Oran. (It doesn’t take long to lap Oran.) She said she was surprised that it was very comfortable: it was like riding in the back seat of a car.

She’s polling her friends to see if any of them snapped a picture of her before she roared off.

(Nope, not the Belly Up Bar and Grill: motorcycle racing at Arena Park.)

This is a poor substitute

I’ve sent a note to the neighbors telling them not to worry if they look out the window and see this. She’s just reliving her glory days at the Oran Belly Up Bar and Grill.

(You guessed it. This isn’t the Belly Up Bar and Grill. It’s Mother celebrating her 2004 Birthday Season. She turned 90 in 2011.)

Other Mother exploits

Mother says she can’t go to the store these days without someone coming up to her to ask her if she’s the one in the blog. Here are some of her past exploits in case you’ve missed them.

 

 

 

 

 

She Had a Life Before Me?

I love it when I get comments from kids who see photos of their parents before they were parents. I got an email in March about a story about St. Francis Hospital manger Patricia Foster: “I am Patricia’s daughter and just ran across your blog’s highlight on my mother. The photography is spectacular. It is magical seeing your parents before you rolled into their lives.”

Mother before I came along

Like Miss Foster’s daughter, I’m fascinated by old scrapbook photos of my parents. Here, on Mother’s Day, is a short photo gallery of some of Mother’s pre-Ken days. She looks like a lot of fun. My Grandmother, Elsie Adkins Welch, was quite a woman, too.

Click on any photo to make it larger, then click on the left or right side of the image to move through the gallery.